I behold a vision! Two scorpions on a mound of gold surrounded by an ocean of thousands upon thousands of roaring, singing souls of light and fire. It may be only a myth of the mind, but I believe that the key to understanding this vision lays within the book, Outliers.
I am cutting the shit, I have just now understood that December 31st is the cutoff to enter 1st grade in NY.What can we get away with? Aquarius held back two months?
Malcolm Gladwell is an incisive sociologist and renegade psychologist.
>:Daddy's turn
Gymnastics at 4-7, 9∎ or 5'5∎ home-gym kettlebells starting at 7-12, jumping, agility, speed ball drills from 3-12. . . I was the tallest individual in my middle school until a 6'8 principal transferred in. - discourage basketball (I couldn't dunk until I turned twenty-one) **Tennis **Skiing
-Tee-ball treats
-Seeds– -ranch, :dill, nacho cheese major league chew– grape, -sour :apple, strawberry hi-chew–50% mango, 33% strawberry, 27% -kiwi
-Passion perks
Meet your favorite major leaguer he'll teach you your -knuckleball and you'll throw it 10,000 times by :Sophomore year but if you ask your -coaches how much you should throw, it's -Dad's curveball in the dirt.
The Child Management Dadbook (Chapter 2: Music and Sports, subsection II. Physics Education), "Early understanding of physics starts with a balloon. If you can catch a balloon, you can catch a wrench."
(Pennywise quotes)“EAT THEIR SOULS FROM THE NIPPLE!”
The first step to raising a championship-winning poker player is beating the snot out of all of them. Do you see the young lady on the far right? She's you. Safiya Umerova. You first have to learn the basics as well as master the mechanics of dealing. I will teach you. We'll have a home poker game with parents and writers. Dealing will be way better money than mowing lawns for a first business. If they lose, they lose. If they cry, they cry. I won't let up until someone in our family wins a world championship.
I began my poker career in seventh grade by stealing my mother's credit card with my best friend--a good start, but I had no direction, no guidance. Set the trap for our two Spartan kings. See in their search history that they created an online account pretending to be 18. Leave our credit card somewhere irregular and in the open. Throw them to the wolf. I will enslave them to study advanced poker theory online.
The big question for Mother: How do we give our kids everything they could ever need and have them all begging to deal for $100+/hr? They can take turns as dealers and sommeliers. I would have died and gone to Heaven if allowed to work a shift every other weekend for the equivalent pay of a full-time minimum wage job. I went door to door mowing lawns for $15-$20 each from age nine until I bought my first car. You should take it personally if our children aren't jumping and begging for the opportunity to make this kind of money as early as middle school. As much as it is a mark of pride to get what you want without working. . .
Principles of Pimpsicles, Subsection II. Go Big or Go Home, or Go Hard or Go Home
There are two options here. We either go big or we go home, or we go hard or go home.
Stuyvesant High School students have a significantly higher chance of admission to Harvard compared to the national average, often with a 9% or higher acceptance rate, nearly doubling the roughly 3-5% national average. As a top-tier "feeder" school, Stuyvesant routinely sends 10–20, sometimes more, students to Harvard annually.
Key Factors for Stuyvesant Applicants:
Feeder School Status: Along with institutions like Boston Latin, Stuyvesant is part of a small group of public schools that produce a high volume of elite university admissions.
Advantage in Admissions: The reputation of the school for high academic rigor means elite colleges, including Harvard, are familiar with the curriculum and often view graduates favorably.
High Competition: While chances are higher than average, competition is stiff; approximately 40.9% of the Class of 2021 were accepted into any Ivy League school, not exclusively Harvard.
Class Rank Matters: Elite schools generally pick top performers from the school, meaning a student’s rank within the competitive Stuyvesant class is a major factor.
In short, a student at Stuyvesant is significantly more likely to be accepted to Harvard than a student from an average high school, provided they are in the top tier of their graduating class.
If the SHSAT converts 1:2 to the SAT as it appears to, I would have been guaranteed admission to Stuyvesant. The bet: If you can maintain a 4.0 for Freshman and Sophomore year, you all can move out into an apartment together near the best high school in the nation for Junior and Senior year. I'm thinking about tutors and when they are most beneficial to our potential valedictorians. The SAT and the SHSAT are instances in your academic career when tutors will help greatly no matter your grade point average. I won't mention that I hated online classes at Lewis & Clark, and assuming our kids are used to being taught online and do not hate it, it's very easy to find a good tutor with a day or two's notice on Wyzant and similar tutoring websites.
Sophia, are you aware that the sciences are your favorite subjects? Why? Because nerds rule the world. Soon, nerds will dominate the entire cosmos. Our nerds may be too tall to colonize Mars, but we do not hate on the Great Nerds.
But how do we help a daughter who wants to build the largest penis on Earth?
Smarter than Natalie Portman. Better numbers mind than Venessa Selbst. Funnier than Ali Wong. Flyer than Benjamin Franklin.
. . .
What is Dad's dripskee for the generations? A great sword. A two-handed scimitar, custom, emblazoned with Muklanovich-Brill (MBZS) and placed beneath our the flag of our heraldry: the caracal, the magpie, and the sunfish. Here are two random scimitars as examples of what is way less cool than ours will be, and two examples of the kind of craftsmanship I would like to see passed down through the ages. https://www.kyleroyerknives.com/sword-gallery. . .
Please take due time to consider the vexillography of the flag of our house. The duty of design is thus bestowed upon thee.
+
A potential future Dueling Master
I hope you have learned by this point that there is nothing you can do to disagree with me besides stab me through the heart. Given the realities of being une femme dans un mariage très classique, I will grant you the opportunity to do so. We will have fencing lessons once per week for a summer, and by further request in order to learn how to settle disputes in une manière classique.
Subject to change based on clairvoyance of trends.
I have chosen their mix-matching 8th grade graduation presents from both of us.
Reasons to love the dripskee that Dad buys--I have been a visionary since the forth grade:
WE ARE TRENDSETTERS
1. I made up the phrase, "No cuts, no buts, no coconuts" in third grade. 2. I started a middle school trend weaving cut up bandanas. 3. My sharpied shoes took over my high-school. 4. Gold double nose piercing in 2020. Seen in music videos, 2025.
. . . I wasn't the most popular kid in my entire school, I just saw the future. . .
Subject to change based on clairvoyance of trends.
Notes on fashion: while it will be tempting to make designer babies, let's wait until they're going into high school. I've been doing a little math this morning and I don't want to look back at $194,000 worth of clothing that we had to give away after a year or two. When they're done growing, Daddy will shell out the dough.
Before 4th grade: SHEIN, Baby Gap and below. Before 8th grade: Nordstrom and below.
Notes on haircuts: I wanted longer and shaggier hair whenever I saw my fresh haircut. Why? Because it was garbage. If we give our boys stylish straight-edge haircuts, they are more likely to make friends with the other straight-edge kids. 3($60 + tip * 12/yr * 26yrs) + 4($80 + tip * 8/yr * 26yrs) = $40,600. . . . roflcopter, I just realized it's going to be $80,000 if we have my hair on the girls. Try to account for every little thing you did and still do and come up with numbers that I wouldn't be able to guess very easily. https://vagazine.com/boys-fade-haircut-styles/ 1. Meh 2. "I like molly at six years old." 3. Shy guy 4. GANGSTER 5. "Buy the plan B for her." 6. 06:15 workouts with Dad 7. I need a Modelo 8. "Take 1/2" more off the top, please" 9. Tchaikovsky and T-Pain 10. Mess it and up and tattoo "4.0" on my wrist 11. . . . 12. Somebody pull a gun on me 13. . . . 14. Tech CEO
Private coaching and camps: If wants a family of D1 athletes in any sport or position aside from baseball pitchers, this will be a very large expense. 5($120/hr * 40wk/yr) + 5($2000 * 3/yr) for 14 years.
Here is the plan before they go: you are the serval and I am the caracal.
Here's what I'm thinking: Nobody likes TV, but if your grades are excellent or you've done great recently, we'll wheel one of the TV's into your room. Otherwise they all stay in the Family Room or stored in a closet. Youngest to eldest is the priority rule for video gaming. It's not a punishment to lose the TV in your room, it's a privilege to have one. One C grade on a test, paper, or project and it's gone [until your next A grade on a major assignment or for (x) number of weeks?] [You can buy a new video game every time you complete an EC assignment and two if you ask your teachers for EC?] Each of these rigs is about $1200 plus $90 * ~50 games total.
Charcucherie making is our favorite hobby. Approximately $80 bi-weekly. Are you excited for Costco shopping trips? I for one am excited for Costco. Ok? Ok.
If you think that you're allowed to have five of MY babies and shop at Whole Foods just to see classier women's fashion while showing off the Louboutin's that
I BOUGHT YOU just to spend THREE TIMES MORE money on CHARCUCHERIE and SOAP while there are JUICEY FIVE DOLLAR ROTISSERIE CHICKENS and BETTER MEAT IN BULK at
COSTCO, just to make baby cows cry. . .
AND THEN WHAT, YOU SEE A BETTER MERCEDES BENZ G-L-AM S-OPHIA and COME HOME to TELL ME ABOUT IT just so that I'LL TRADE UP NEXT YEAR. When
what would make ME HAPPY is YOU wearing your PENCIL SKIRT WITH THE LOUBITONS to
COSTCO and sending me dirty pics of you with 1000lbs of RIBEYE AND FILET MIGNON,
so that when you get home we can light the TWELVE 57oz CANDLES and cover ourselves in half of a 20lb BAG OF COFFEE BEANS while the kids eat A MONTHS WORTH
of DARK CHOCOLATE COVERED MANGOES and CARMEL TURTLES in TWO-AND-A-HALF HOURS
and JUNIPER drinks WATER out of a WATER FOUNTAIN FOR CATS and I'M NOT EVEN MAD
BECAUSE YOU BOUGHT IT AT A REASONABLE PRICE FROM COSTCO.
P.S. If you need anything else in your entire life, I will give you a ride on the way to Costco and you can beg with your eyes for the next present I'm giving you if you would only realize I would do anything for you.
But you HATE me because I WON'T LET YOU so GO SHOP AT WHOLE FOODS if you don't WANT ME. . .
Well, DON'T EVEN BOTHER SHOPPING AT ALL. . .
There's enough money for UberEats today and tomorrow, and until the attorney is less expensive.
AND I'M NOT EVEN UNHAPPY ANYMORE. . .
I don't know if you remember me saying this a while ago, and I know you've done a lot of thinking about the most beautiful home we can make, but if you want to fight me now all you have to do is say we can't
HAVE MONKEY BARS THROUGH THE HOUSE
and into the kitchen. If anybody wants to sneak another piece of candy, all they need to do is swing on the monkey bars from their bedrooms to the kitchen without touching the hot lava.
I am considering ways to mitigate the dangers of falling from monkey bars attached to twelve foot ceilings onto hardwood. We do not want any broken ankles or early knee injuries. We can hang the monkey bars three feet from the ceiling and have movable staircases at starting points in the kitchen and the end of the hallway to the children's' bedrooms.
What I am not yet sure about is how great the risk of injury is when falling from a rock wall onto a staircase. . .
What we are fighting about now is what I will be bragging about on a podcast thirty years from now on how to raise five out of five Division I athletes. So, just pretend you didn't didn't say no, ok?
What I'm trying to say is, there is not a more athletic upper body movement
than pull-ups and therefor you're going to be a monster if you're able to do as many pullups as your former pro-athlete father can do in his forties at twelve years old.
If anybody is worried about being too manly, it's called a "squat rack" and Dad is working on his own "dump-truck" at 06:15. . .
Mother is NOT allowed to tease my dream-girls about looking manly. It is as easy as lifting only lower-body as soon as you're finished with your athletic career.
Subsection II Continued, Going Big and Going Hard
To go big, you have to eat big. See the picture below in the blue suit. At sixteen, I lifted 585lbs and ate over 5,000 calories per day. Dad might not brag about the deadlifting because he fractured his back and still has pain from the injury, but we want to be prepared to go equally and safely as hard.
I need you to consider something. First, order a Wagyu steak online. Medium-high heat, no oil needed, 1.5-2 minutes on each side. Eat it. Now look at this cow math:
A single cow needs 0.5-1 acre of irrigated grassland. Watering grassland costs up to $80 per acre annually. Dietary supplements cost approximately $1 per day per cow. Maturity to slaughter takes 2 years. NY butchers charge approximately $120 to slaughter and $0.99 to $1.10 per pound of hanging weight to butcher and package. One Wagyu bull yields 500-700lbs of beef. Japanese Black Wagyu beef is $30-$350 per pound.
https://nuwagyu.com/products/wagyu-cows-for-sale-30m. This is a $15,000 cow. I can contact other Wagyu cow breeders to trade calves to avoid inbreeding. This takes two or three weekend days per year. Providing supplemental diets requires a few hours every once in a while to purchase and haul, and minutes per day to feed them by hand while I give them pets and reassurance. I can also reach out to olive oil makers in NY to pick up their olive mash for free or minimal cost.
Black Wagyu bulls are generally recognized for their docile, calm, and curious temperament. Often described as gentle and easy to handle, they are a pleasure to raise.
To avoid gout, the primary goal is to lower blood uric acid levels, often using allopurinol (Zyloprim), febuxostat (Uloric), or probenecid.
We can look at excellent school districts as close to Manhattan as possible with enough room for the house, or we can look for 2-3 acres for a training field or 4-8 acres for cattle. Ideally, undeveloped land; however, it is no problem to remove an old house. Don't overlook properties with homes that have clear signs of age.
Let me take you out for a week of driving a few hours a day through more rural parts of the best school districts near Manhattan. We can look for properties with older homes that aren't being used and contact the owners to make them an offer. Because I'll have cash in hand, this might be the very best way to find a great deal.
https://www.zillow.com/homedetails/428D-Harbor-Rd-Cold-Spring-Harbor-NY-11724/31139256_zpid/ Check this one out. It's more expensive, but it's one of only a couple of affordable lots I see on Long Island. 🛥️
https://www.zillow.com/homedetails/0-Branch-Rd-Gladstone-NJ-07934/459820265_zpid/ Gorgeous neighborhood. I want some woods like this. Keep part of it natural and clear a training field too far out of Manhattan.
https://www.zillow.com/homedetails/28-Miller-Dr-Boonton-NJ-07005/39395003_zpid/ There's not much information except that it is in disrepair, but this looks interesting. They're asking for cash. 7 acres.
P.S.S.T. Check out Grammarly and ProWritingAid. They are both customizable to train writing styles.
Chapter 4, Section I: Family Philanthropy
Something our family may be able to do to give back to the shelters--our children can be the founders and leaders of a non-profit to give the homeless holiday meals and gifts. We can help our young leaders gather donations for Christmas gifts and hold meal-making and wrapping parties. We can also raise funds for Christmas trees and ornaments. I didn't see anything like this when I was living in the NYC shelters. There is a clear space for a non-profit with this mission.
Everyone has decided that if we have cows, we also need artichokes, sunflowers, and pumpkins. . .
I have researched the promise of a giant pumpkin to put our pumpkins inside and take pumpkin's pumpkin pictures. It may not be feasible or desirable to devote 1000sqft of garden space to grow a single pumpkin. However, I have made clear the promise of a perfect pumpkin's pumpkin picture day. We'll drive to a show showing giant pumpkins for our pumpkins and I'll make an offer that cannot be refused.
