Mystery

Age 2: Draw Your Stars

I'm looking for a projector that lets you download different parts of the night sky or deep-space imaging. We can make shooting stars happen with this one. https://tinyurl.com/star-projector-whole-night-sky. 

Once every month or two we can give them a shooting star (or many until they see one and come running into daddy and mommy's room), and they can tell us they saw one of their wishes. Sometimes they have to choose special constellations that look like their wishes. It might take a long time because the stars move so slow, but sometimes little wishes can become really big ones.

Wishes
1. https://tinyurl.com/wish-number-one
2. Pet mantis shrimp soulmates.  Bumblebee or Zebra mantis shrimp:  https://www.bluezooaquatics.com/productDetail.asp?did=2&pid=1225&cid=84
3. https://www.youtube.com/shorts/ZEQTA_Y9q1o


This one's more beautiful, but I don't think we'll ever be able to find the same stars with a real telescope. https://shorturl.at/0kCEj 
I'll keep looking.

We'll let them draw their stars whenever they find the ones they like and then make an astrology chart with them.  Our babies can be the only ones in the history of the universe to name the specific constellations they choose. We can make a trip to an outdated telescope somewhere and ask the scientists to show us the real thing. The first thing on their college resume. Teach them what a reference is. They can apply to (Princeton, 2026) for a  science major and then you have to let me talk to her when she's crying over her first B grade. . . Finance  and Law school. More than Dad made playing pro-baseball with their first year on Wall Street.

The Child Management Dadbook (Chapter 1. Section I. The Ladies)

Karma Yoga for Halloween, 5yrs. . . She practices while staring directly into Daddy and Mommy's eyeballs: "Trick or treat!". . ."Not until you guess!". . ."Prom Queen Bee?". . ."You're incorrect." 

Say it again.

"You're Incorrect!"

Louder!

"YOU'RE INCORRECT."

. . .

By the laws of karma she will be forced to have a 4.0. . . It's also a good habit when checking her siblings' homework. Aside to this, any child that has sacred knowledge to uphold or be shamed by doing so must learn to become an intellect which is advanced to their peers in discussion.

As you can see, Magdalena will inherit certain characteristics from her father. He received his elf-ear at seven by falling up the stairs. He dyed his hair blue when he was in nine. As for Lilia, it is apparent that she will inherit the tendency to stare into your soul, just as Father did from a very, very young age. Her perfect behavior is a relic from a lost time. 

To do to create an Elven, Victorian-era-creepy goth to join the FBI:

-  Try to make sure all of Maggie's favorite  clothing is black.
-  She may dye her hair in grade school only  and Father may realize he is beaten.
-  A few of her favorite TV shows: Evil Lives Here, Bates Motel, Hannibal

To do to create an angel-baby sweetie-pie turned daddy-dominatrix:

-  Nothing.
-  She will wake up an two and a half hours before grade school to read the dictionary and do her dolls' makeup.

"Worthless.  .  . It feels worthless, doesn't it? Dad taught me how to hold a gun to a guy's head and ask him if he wants a family. I must have left it at home."

Child Management Dadbook, Chapter 3: Dating and Relationships

Is there another wrong path that if taken, will never lead you to your king?  How do we align our daughters with the deepest passions and interests in order to find the right man? 

Even in a ho-phase, it is essential to cut your teeth on the pretenders and con-men to the greatest of us. 

An example first date: https://tinyurl.com/financebrointerview

2nd date: investment strategy https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qLnMKWv72f0&t=557s

3rd date: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Z38AlR1vxFw

4th date: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZznpMh0DegE

Child Management Dadbook  (Chapter 1, Section II.  The "Dripskee") 

Traveling Team Trashsuits ✈️

Mom

Dad

The Twins

. . .

MBZS Daily Travel Prayer

We bathe in their disgust,
We bask in their disapproval,
We 'mire ourselves in the sands and the pyres.

To lose is to gain--
To light to the flame.
Our Heaven is nigh
and our witches are dames. 

Creation, oration, citation and math,
All that we are is left in the past.
Our futures are gone and our presents are now.

. . .trust
. . .nouvel
. . .retire


. . . I'm working on it

Graduate Dripskee (we will budget for these items up to twenty-five years in advance)

If you have a problem with these choices, take it up with our accountant in five years. You may snail-mail your other suggestions and I will respond never.

From youngest age four: 6'x4' whiteboard filled in weekly with homework and checked off. This is the 4.0 Machine. If you have 100% homework scores and 80% average test scores, this is straight A's. (100 * .7 + 80 * .3 = 94)("fail") = Stanford Athletics.



We will have:

1.  Book reading competitions. Read (1) or (3) books for a surprise, or you can save up to (10) for a big present of your choosing.

Father's notebook: 

-  I am upset at seeing which kid's drivable cars can be found in powder pink.  .  .
-  The yellow and blue caracal, it reminds me that similarly to Mother's ringing, Freyr whipped me with his ears-tufts for minutes at a time while looking directly 
    into my eyes. It mystified me and over time began to give me stranger feelings.  .  .
-  My mission is to create in a gay son the secret that he's worthy if he has three children or more. Also, I want him to be able to straight-pass to find more opportunities  
    later in life. I want him to have a grand family. 
-  Household mood queuing: AM Radio or FM Radio.  .  .  Work or Play.  .  .
-  "You get 3.9 strikes with a 4.0."
-  Stoicism isn't always maturity.  .  .
-  "Five pipes in the forest is fewer than one pipe in evidence."
-  Four things that I like: half-Christmases, half-birthdays, (insert cool, interesting, or otherwise spooky name for half-Halloween), and reward systems.
-  They identify themselves. "How is your day/night officer? .  .  .  I want to speak to my father or my attorney.  .  .  No sir, I do not consent to a search.  .  .  No sir, I do not 
   consent to be tested.  .  .  I'm sorry, I will not be speaking to you anymore." They say nothing more.  .  . Of course you should try to talk your way out of a speeding ticket.
-  Dollhouse redecorating: help them choose all of their favorite furniture and themes for the dollhouse and whichever somehow becomes the unanimous favorite is 
   the basis for redecorating our house after the last poopie on the couchies.
-  New favorite word. Sagacious: having keen mental discernment and good judgement.
-  The Black Week,  Dark Days,  Black.  .  . Dark Week? .  .  . /sharkweek.  .  .   Are you sagacious, Sophia? Do you understand what it means to ride the line of social  
   suicide? A week, baby, a week of  blackness and horror.  If I'm not mistaken, Social Suicide Awareness Week falls on the same week. 
-  We need incandescent lightbulbs.  .  . Did you read City of Ember?
-  Two types of spoiled children: those who don't have the opportunity to do as well for themselves as we have done for them, and those who are used to being rewarded 
   for bad behavior.
-  Sushi Saturday. We each order one special roll and a get a huge platter of the best regular sushi. Must use 2-3 accounts for approximately 30% discount with BOGO's on 
   UberEats.
-  See: 
-  Have.  .  . Help.  .  .
-  I.  .  .
-  Staring into lightbulbs was one of my favorite things to do as a child. At least I had lightbulbs once I left with my father. If Gigi the giggle monster doesn't learn to read  
   soon, Sophia said that she's going to lock poor Gigi in a dark room for a week.
-  If you take a lightbulb apart and wash it out with solvent, it makes an excellent cauldron for bug soup.  
-  Remember there are two rooms where Mother can ball-out. If anything gets broken in those rooms, I'm going to turn the breakers off to the kids' bedrooms. Which 
   rooms are they, Mamasita? It's IKEA until the very last poopie on the couchies. 
-  Sushi Saturdays are weekly preparation for the once-per-year contest for the family sushi eating record. This restaurant offers unlimited sushi for $100/person.   
   https://souraji.zoyaf.com/ (and we can secretly share). 
-  If Mother Sophia gives me one singular bad look for saving one or two hundred dollars here and there, I'm going to start ranting about my great-grandmother Golda.  

Dadbook, managerial presentation material

The following chapter of The Child Management Dadbook concerns itself with music and sports. Considering your Asian descent and my advanced intellect, we can may be able to begin at 4-6 years old, a year or two earlier than what is normal. The first to start practicing is granted a multiplicative factor towards achievement according to a book that we must reread: Outliers, by Malcolm Gladwell. We will then coax the children with shiny, beautiful things that they are only allowed to touch if they agree to weekly music lessons and at first a non-rigorous standard of practice. 

Girls club password: "Super Poopy Little Shits"
Boys club password: "Schmall Peepee, Long Schlong", alternate: "Big Wang, Long Schlong", a lesbian in the boys club: "Pippy Schlong Stockings", 
A gay son: "Captain Schlongbottoms"

Next up, rappers & producers. We are not raising conscious rappers. I'd have to be their benefactor and patron. 
I remember the appreciation that I had for conscious rap in high school. They're all 50, broke, single, and still depressed.

*Ching Chang Wong*

Un peu sans censure

Practice room for drums and horns. "It's actually a hot tub. . ."

Principles of pimpsicles

-  The male aspect of *Ching Chang Wong* is a tight-circle-ism to combat one of our boys becoming a girly-man, a term coined by Arnold Schwarzenegger, the man    
    himself.
-  The female aspect of *Ching Chang Wong* ,,ho-kayso   hao achieve ze above and arso doctor our daughters to be attracted to Asian men?



1.  White masking tape  
2.  Label all keys A-G 
3.  When they are playing around, cover their eyes and ask them to tell you what key they play.

How many events do we want to take the kids to every year? 3, 4, 5, 10? I didn't have much time in high-school, but it would have been so fun to be able to see more concerts and games early on. This could be another enormous expense that I want to think through in a budget. I will probably be emotionally directing everyone to focus more on academics and perfecting a craft, and if I get carried away I might even pretend to not want to see Doja Cat.  .  .

---

I am we-todded---> Professional ballerinas typically range in height from 5'2" to 5'8" (158–173 cm), with 5'5" or 5'6" often considered the average for classical companies. While historically, shorter dancers were preferred, modern companies now frequently employ dancers between 5'7" and 5'10" for a longer, more athletic aesthetic. 

If we have a [[[[[FEMALE]]]]]] team of ballerinas / I might not have mentioned the possibility because based on the old standard it is exceedingly unlikely that they meet height standards. . .  

Gymnastics + Ballet 

And they do not want to play with balls?

I'm being super super cereal with you.  .  .

 u c 

Softball? i have come to terms with it.        I will only allow them to play if the league commissioner gives me permission to put a pink ribbon in their hair for every game.  .  .
hokay so here's the progression of insolence. 

1. They are Daddy's girls (excellent).  2.  They are jealous of boys (bad)   5.  They are butch women  3. They are called butch (terrible)  4.  THEY BECOME MORE BUTCH

---

NO, WE DO NOT OWN IT
WHEN WE'RE CALLED A     . . .          S  L  U  T

In high school, Mother ought to ask, "(Have you slept with two boys this year?)"


   ⛷️⛷️⛷️⛷️⛷️⛷️⛷️Z🎾🎾🎾🎾🎾🎾🎾

🏐
QED


Reference notes: You didn't even play tennis with my balls.  .  . it was basketball. . .

---

As of the 2025 season, the average WNBA base salary is approximately $102,249 to $120,000, with player salaries ranging from a minimum of roughly $66,000 to a supermax of around $250,000. While top stars earn over $240,000, salaries are set to rise significantly in 2026, with projected averages exceeding $500,000 under new proposals.

---

What on god's green Earth.  .  .

Entry fees for elite or regional championship high school skiing competitions typically cost $100–$200 per event, but the total cost to participate—including travel, lodging, lift tickets, and training—often exceeds $1,000–$2,000 per event, with specialized ski academy training costing $100,000+ per year. https://www.nsa.on.ca/admissions/#tuition.


Key Costs Breakdown:

1.  Event Entry Fees: A specific western U.S. high school championship charges around $130 for two races, with a $450 deposit to secure a spot OISRA.
2.  Club/Academy Fees: Elite development programs (U.S. Ski & Snowboard) often involve $1,000–$4,000 in tuition and thousands more in equipment per season Ski  
     Racing Media.
3.  Individual Costs: For top-tier, "world-class" junior talent, annual expenses can exceed $20,000, driven by extensive travel, multiple sets of skis, and coaching Reuters.

Safety Breakdown:

-  Junior Olympic and elite downhill skiers often reach speeds of 40–60 mph and yet mortality rates in high school ski racing are exceptionally low, with most winter sports showing a fatality risk between 0.3 and 0.8 per million exposure days which presents approximately one third of the risk of fatal injury as canoeing. 

-  You shut your face, they fear no mountain.

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