Graves

Straight from the lake of fire:
wins,

rank 1/2 bible child in my hometown,
acted the verses that could not be memorized.

rank 1 pitcher in oregon,
could not ask for a good enough surgeon.

student body president of portland state university.
I made a nest egg flipping houses while being paid to attend college.
I coached baseball to gain experience with children.
multiple scholarships in mathematics, economics, and classical music.
master's in economics at lewis & clark college.

for every story of loss there's one of gain, and you're not gaining anything but
sorrow for wondering if there's wisdom in every reason.

I was more proud of being class president,
and I was more into god
just to keep my soul
from kowtowing.

John was a dancer,
and he was drugged,
he broke a man's jaw,
he robbed guilty men, holy ghost
he brought guilt upon guilty people,
and he suffered greatly.
and he won't be suffering any more fervently for god.
and, in my heart, it is power, but that will change when I have children.
in some minds that are so overgrown
with wisdom 
that they have the patience to wait for good things to happen, money comes to them naturally.

in mind
it's alchemy.
Freyr was a lord.
and he was bound and broken.
and he was near to death' already,
that was enough to let him walk through
and he spoke in tongues to a Ukrainian woman
while he mimed the building coming down upon her,
and he marched rainbow balloons down streets and alleys.
he prays
to the
graves
in city square.

I married a boy, by Heather Ann Viets

I married a boy
because I was broken,
man I was broken beyond 
a person. 

I married a boy who was 
in love.

I married a boy that didn't know 
I hated myself. 
I cut myself 
and he bled
so deeply

I abused us both 
until he 
didn't know
what was real at all.

I cut him when he tried to
take a knife from me.
I attacked him repeatedly.

I broke him as deeply 
as I was broken,
and then I left him
in a cage. 

My first best friend

My first best friend,
and my only brother.

he made sure that I knew
he'd never let me fall
when he he held me by
my 
ankle 
from the treehouse
20 feet 
off the ground

I was pretty sure he wouldn't
kill us going 110 around the 
freeway entrance.
he made 
sure that I'd never 
like vodka or chew
for the rest of time.
now I'm off a bottle 
of the same smirnoff. 
not lime.

we had it rough together,
but all I remember 
is him trying
to protect me. 

Pay

To meet
a
basilisk,
you need not
speak its language,
berate five men
with pistols.

to
pay the
piper:

before they
came,
a part
of
me
knew,
that part of
me danced.

I met them
in a towel
they would kill me,

and I wagged
my finger
at them.

I might
be
Jesus

I felt a crown
inches above
my head.

I might be
cane,
I am not
able.

I am bound—
I chose
my
balls.

I am
dragged
through
the
hallway

I might be
adam,
my rib removed.

the fruit
eaten,
pay the mouth.

you will get up
when they throw
you out of the van.
you will see planes
in the distance.

they have taken
something from
you that cannot
be given back.

it won't take
long in a
daze,
go get it

when
I got
back to
the airport
I pissed bourbon
with a soldier's eyes.

A man 

A man 
told 
me a terrible
story,
and I was four 

and I was four 
when a honeybee 
stung my foot.

I was four 
outside of a Brooklyn
homeless 
shelter,
and a man 
bragged to me—
told me 
about 
how
it felt to
rape.

I was almost four 
in the homeless 
shelter, devolving.

outside there was some grass,
and I was four.
I took my sandals off,
and was it a 
hornet?

I robbed him
of three 
ounces
of crack cocaine.

did he owe?
a therapist
can't 
save
him.

I smoked it
in 40 days
and 40 nights.

The hotel


The hotel in brooklyn
had steakknives, serrated,
sharp and good.
I was given one to keep.
for
free.


after that was the marriott,
the one in the bronx.
cracked my skull
hard on
the
bathroom
floor.


the shorter stay
downtown
had
an interesting
geometric
table setting,
and presidential
portraits,
and a four pronged
staff
on the
wall

Yards in years

The elk
that burned
in portland,
I was insanely
sad.
injury to insult, discus.
I might have
been
the
only one
to
take
a couple rock-shots
at the pearl.
their job to defend. .

Great-Grandmother who gave her life for me
to see:

my father and I
jumped
out of his truck
and walked
a football field
into
the woods.
and she
was pacing.
and I aimed, fired at 90
and she ran 100
with
a
heart
shot
through.
the oldest cow
in the washington
forest,
tagged.











Diesel and almond joys

The sea floor smells fishy,
it’s like almond joys
and diesel
they don’t know I charge for a hand,
double to hit, three times to win—
the black ink is heavier,
you know
I could
count
the
spades on a ten,
but I’m
only looking for the big one
there’s
something
funny about this,
it’s funny that I’m losing life
I’m losing life and I have nothing to
have for it,
her two blue eyes
her two eyes, green?
I wish I had time to tell you how much I love you,
I wish I had the wherewithal to see that’s what you really 
wanted
I’m so angry at GOD, I want to puke.
I had 1200 dollars to my name and I knew
I was supposed to party. but I kept on grinding away at it,
and I finally did.

Bible child, baptist

Sitting on a rock,
I bled myself in church,
to
the
wick,
to the wick.

A baby born dead

My brother was
emotional,
and I was
creative.

he was
pure grit,
goddamned be it all
could he run.
he would run until
he puked, just 
because he could.
he would have been 
out front,
anyway.

I was intuitive
up to master's level
mathematics,
it all made more sense
than was made of it.

my class-mates
couldn't study
with a lefty.
proofing
became
poetry.

I was emotional
up to 300 level
economics.
the professor's
passion is what
allowed me to
understand.

on 9/11
before school,
I crashed my bicycle
into a fence,
and ripped
a dyed
wooden
plank
through
my
cheek.

the doctor couldn't do it all,
a pearlescent stick came
out months later.