Found outside my apartment door. 2.13.26. "We Share This Dream."
Caracal Pictures:
At a Carnival, Brothers, Eight and Six
- With a group of 4 friends - At a carnival - The lights were flickering - Split off from my friends - Went to the Ring of Fire - Sat down across from 2 brothers - Steel harness came up - I held on to my seat until the ride stopped. - I spoke softly, "No, God, do not be maimed, die." - I walked to another ride that would certainly kill me.
Stop Watch
Can you believe that you, GOD, would give me a faulty watch— that a piece of sand in the movement was on TIME? A couple hundred thousand dollars of credit, and my last card declined at Ruth's Chris and I checked my prized possession IWC, Le Petite Prince like I did every five minutes and it stopped. I twisted the winder, pulled it out, messed with it, screamed, "GOD." and destroyed it on bullet proof glass, and again on the sidewalk.
A Crown Above My Head
Consciousness and an Older Savantism
The degree to which decision-making is within conscious control is explored in limited scientific studies. There is an argument that during certain momentary decision making processes, the human consciousness perceives that it is commanding action in time even while the immediate decision can be traced back through a definitive process to an impetus in the unconscious. Older concepts making a reappearance within the zeitgeist are the djinn and genie. Of the djinn, the mind may make plans without any intention or corroboration of consciousness, other than knowledge that is not perceived to be in memory or that may be gathered by systems outside of a person and interpreted by senses beyond normal human attention, e.g. interpretation of a projected or externally based system of omens known today to be integral to traditions of shamanism and animalism. To note a definitively other experience that seems to have common roots in the psyche, I’ve come to think of the genie as a more direct form of possession that in certain degrees that I have experienced is hardly noticeable. We have modern concepts such flow-state and dissociation that lay at certain angles on what I now see as a spectrum encompassing, three dimensionally, the subjective experience of the actor, objective behavior that could be recorded digitally, and the subjective experience and interpretation (be that of immediate and unconscious, thoughtful and analytical, and public or private) of any observers. The genie may not give any indication in objective experience, but ranges into the states of mind that are associated with unmanageable behaviors and direct compulsions in medically diagnosable individuals who are given to lack immediate agency in present day interpretations of what were formerly curses and possessions such as OCD and Tourette’s.
I have direct experience within longer periods on the extremes of the spectrum during which I was acting in apparent lucidity but in a state of near-zero agency. This is characteristic of dissociation, except that I did not outwardly seem to be at any lack of self control during a series of symbolic actions and as one might believe they were scripted, unbelievable conversations with strangers. This culminated in a bloody and, to my understanding, ritually enacted scene of possession of multiple people, including myself, during which I was assaulted by two men in a doorway, one of them standing directly behind another who held both my wrists in his hands, my arms relaxed at my sides, making no attempt to free myself, while the man behind him reached over the front-most man’s shoulders to strangle me, but did this in such a slow and deliberate manner that I was able to guide one of his thumbs into my mouth, all the way to his palm, and bite down so slowly that it may have been a second and a half before my teeth broke his skin (while he made no sound or attempt to remove his thumb from my mouth). Making note of something that I wrote about intuitively as it relates to reflected colors in the eyes a pet lynx that I kept—for several days after this experience, my eyes were periodically spinning on their axis in the same manner that most people experience when tilting their head while focusing on an object, except my head was not tilting, and this only happened in direct eyeshot of others. I thought that it must be related to possession, particularly the genie as conceptualized here, and I managed to capture it in myself. The motion is clear at the automatic shutter speed of an iPhone. I believe that this is related to the reflected colors of a soul. I also have direct experience during other similar instances wherein my eyes did not tilt on their optical axis, but instead were possessed to draw extremely accurate shapes at angles known in Witchcraft to be "Stars."
His blood flowed into my mouth for a time until the front-most man released my wrists. The front-most man began threatening me in a New York City Brooklyn street-talk dialect. The rear-most man retreated from out of the doorway, and I pushed past the front-most man to inform the office of what occurred. I believe word of mouth of my strangulation and harassment charges which were pursued by my ex-wife created this real spiritual manifestation. There was blood on the banisters and the floor. When I made it to the office, the man attacked me and I was forced to restrain him. My shirt and hands were bloodied. There was a very large, horizontal red stain of blood across the inside of the door which separated the shelter from the office, and then the outside. He retreated when I released him, and I went inside the boundary door and held it shut while I asked the attendants to call the police. My heartrate was 52 (normal resting 65-70), BP 110/65 (normal 125/80). Following this experience my testosterone dropped from approximately 750 ng/dl to approximately 300 ng/dl.
